by Barbara Becker Holstein

Thank you for staying with me. Let us continue to explore our basic needs and find ways to bring a sense of wholeness and enchantment into our lives. We will end with an exercise for you to practice.

Enchantment involves more than merely meeting one’s basic needs, it also involves valuing one’s basic needs. Yet it cannot be activated and maintained without certain negotiating skills. It also involves valuing one’s own Positive Fingerprints and Shadow Prints of the mind. Positive Fingerprints are actual memories were we have intentionally gone by and gleaned positive feelings and/or knowledge. Shadow Prints are more vague, but also contain within them are positive feelings and impressions from the past.

Without these unique memories and impressions that create a pathway to building a positive self-narrative, these positive building blocks of our uniqueness are lost to others and, more sadly, to ourselves.

We need our Positive Fingerprints and Shadow Prints of the mind so that our present and future will be able to reflect our talents, interests and potential. For if I deny the beauty and specialness of my own uniqueness, I am again locked out of the real experience of enchantment.

Personal enchantment is not a group activity. It remains a private exercise … leading to a sense of integrity and wholeness. Only the person herself knows if she is in a state of enchantment or disenchantment. Here is an activity to get you started, geared to emphasizing positive self-regard.

Exercise: A Play Date with Your Own Enchantment!

1. Please write down five positive comments about yourself. For example, “You are a most courteous and helpful person.” “You are always there for me.” “I can always trust you.” You can make these statements in the first person or the third person, whichever is one comfortable for you. For example, you could state, “I’m a courageous person who tries to help others out, even at great cost to myself.” Or you could say, “You are a most courageous person who is willing to help others out, even at great cost to yourself.”

After you have made your list of five positive remarks you’d like to hear about yourself, put this piece of paper in your wallet or pocketbook. Read it to yourself at least once a day for one week. You may think of other positive statements you’d like to add, or you may get tired of certain ones and delete them. That’s fine. Just keep the number around five.

2. After a week, answer the following questions:

(a) How did you feel reading these remarks?
(b) Were there remarks you wished you could have made but honestly felt you didn’t deserve? If so, what do you think are some of the things you might need to work on before you can legitimately make a particular statement? Jot down some of those things. Try to be objective. Is your list realistic? Too perfectionistic? If it is perfectionistic, try to make it more realistic.

Remember that incorporating positive self-regard requires practice and repetition just as incorporating negative self-statements required repetition. If you find this exercise uncomfortable at this time, return to it later.

*This article–with minor changes throughout–came from my book, THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy. The body of the article can be found on pages 184-l85 and the exercise on page 104.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is the originator of The Enchanted Self. She has been a positive psychologist in private practice and licensed in the states of New Jersey and Massachusetts since 1981. Her book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy, was published in 1997 by Harwood Academic Publishers and is now in its second printing. She has just published her second book on the concept of enchantment: Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU!

Dr. Holstein speaks regularly on radio programs around the country, and appears on television in New York and New Jersey. Her inspiring audio files can be found on the web at http://www.Ladybuglive.com. She also gives lectures, seminars, and retreats on the concepts of enchantment and is currently in private practice in Long Branch, New Jersey with her husband, Dr. Russell M. Holstein. You may find more about Dr. Holstein and her work at: http://www.enchantedself.com

The Enchantment of Modern Life: Attachments, Crossings, and Ethics

by Barbara Becker Holstein

Thank you for joining me for this two-part article. In this segment we will learn how practicing positive self regard enhances our every day lives.

Time continues to increase my conviction that the old adage “Practice, practice, practice” is as necessary to experiencing a state of enchantment as anything else. Unfortunately, I am convinced, in general, we work much harder than we realize to stay in state of disenchantment rather than to let ourselves enjoy moments of enchantment.

We seem to practice staying in bad mood and seeing our faults and weaknesses rather than our strengths. Do we really feel that worry will help a situation, rather than patiently figuring out appropriate, more positive action? The ultimate solution is often simple, though the road to a permanent state of well-being requires practice and continual awareness and work.

The truth is: most of us get in the way of our good mental health. We may experience a lonely or sad emptiness inside, suffer a sense of disconnection from ourselves, or have repetitive occurrences of bad moods or self-generating negative messages.

We constantly interrupt our potential for achieving positive states by permitting fears or the counting of our woes to take away potentially precious moments. Many of us lack a sense of comfort about being with ourselves in our own mental space, and within our own body. We forget how to recognize and emphasize our blessings.

My clients remind me every day of how we can get in our own way. I remind myself too, as I strive to maintain the wonderful sense of oneness with myself and the world that I call THE ENCHANTED SELF.

This “oneness,” if examined, is a reflection of and a daring to use in new ways suitable for the present moment, our own unique talents, interests, potentials and individual life experiences.

More and more I realize that maintaining enchantment is not a trivial activity. It involves more than positive self-regard, yet it has no psychic power without the foundation of positive self-regard.

Please stay with me. Next time we will continue to explore our basic needs and find ways to bring a sense of wholeness and enchantment into our lives.

*This article–with minor changes throughout–came from my book, THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy. The body of the article can be found on pages 184-l85 and the exercise on page 104.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein is the originator of The Enchanted Self. She has been a positive psychologist in private practice and licensed in the states of New Jersey and Massachusetts since 1981. Her book, The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy, was published in 1997 by Harwood Academic Publishers and is now in its second printing. She has just published her second book on the concept of enchantment: Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU!

Dr. Holstein speaks regularly on radio programs around the country, and appears on television in New York and New Jersey. Her inspiring audio files can be found on the web at http://www.Ladybuglive.com. She also gives lectures, seminars, and retreats on the concepts of enchantment and is currently in private practice in Long Branch, New Jersey with her husband, Dr. Russell M. Holstein. You may find more about Dr. Holstein and her work at: http://www.enchantedself.com

by Nancy Lonsdorf M.D.The Three Pillars of Beauty

Maharishi Ayurveda (MAV), the modern, consciousness-based revival of the ancient Ayurvedic medicine tradition, considers true beauty to be supported by three pillars; Outer Beauty, Inner Beauty and Lasting Beauty. Only by enhancing all three can we attain the balanced state of radiant health that makes each of us the most fulfilled and beautiful person we can be.

Outer Beauty: Roopam

The outer signs of beauty - your skin, hair and nails - are more than just superficial measures of beauty. They are direct reflections of your overall health. These outer tissues are created by the inner physiological processes involved in digestion, metabolism and proper tissue development. Outer beauty depends more on the strength of your digestion and metabolism, the quality of your diet, and the purity of your blood, than on external cleansers and conditioners you may apply.

General Recommendations for Outer Beauty

As we will discuss, the key to skin care is matching your diet and skin care routine to the specific skin type you have. Meanwhile, there are some valuable recommendations for lustrous skin, hair and nails that will be helpful to everyone, regardless of skin type.

1. Diet: Without adequate nourishment, your collagen layer thins and a kind of wasting takes place. Over time, your skin can shrivel up like a plant without water from lack of nourishment. To keep your skin plump and glowing:

A. Eat fresh, whole organic foods that are freshly prepared.
Avoid packaged, canned, frozen, processed foods and leftovers. These foods have little nutritional value and also they are often poorly digested which creates impurities that localize in the skin. The resulting buildup of toxins causes irritation and blocks circulation depriving the skin of further nourishment and natural cleansing processes.

B. Favor skin nourishing foods.
1. Leafy green vegetables contain vitamins, minerals (especially iron and calcium) and are high in antioxidant properties. They nourish the skin and protect it from premature aging.
2. Sweet juicy fruits like grapes, melons, pears, plums and stewed apples at breakfast are excellent for the skin in almost everyone.
3. Eat a wide variety of grains over different meals and try mixed grain servings at breakfast and lunch. Add amaranth, quinoa, cous cous, millet and barley to the wheat and rice you already eat.
4. Favor light, easy to digest proteins like legume soups (especially yellow split mung dhal), whole milk, paneer (cheese made from boiling milk, adding lemon and straining solids) and lassi (diluted yogurt and spice drinks).
5. Oils like ghee (clarified butter) and organic, extra virgin olive oil should be included in the diet as they lubricate, nourish and create lustre in the skin.
6. Use spices like turmeric, cumin, coriander, and black pepper to improve digestion, nourish the skin and cleanse it of impurities.
7. Avoid microwaving and boiling your vegetables. They lose as much as 85% of their antioxidant content when cooked in this way. Steaming and sautéing are best.
Caring for outer beauty through knowledge of skin type

Besides these general recommendations the key to Outer Beauty is to understand the difference in skin types so you can gain the maximum benefit from your individualized skin care regimen. MAV identifies three different skin types based on which of the three main metabolic principles (doshas)- present in everyone, but to different degrees- is most dominant in your body.

Vata Skin

* Description: Vata is composed of the elements of air and space. If you have a vata skin type, your skin will be dry, thin, fine pored, delicate and cool to the touch. When balanced, it glows with a delicate lightness and refinement that is elegant and attractive. When vata skin is imbalanced, it will be prone to excessive dryness and may even be rough and flaky.

* Potential problems: The greatest beauty challenge for vata skin is its predisposition to symptoms of early aging. Your skin may tend to develop wrinkles earlier than most due to its tendency to dryness and thinness. If your digestion is not in balance, your skin can begin to look dull and grayish, even in your 20’s and 30’s. In addition, your skin may have a tendency for disorders such as dry eczema and skin fungus. Mental stress, such as worry, fear and lack of sleep, has a powerful debilitating effect on vata skin leaving it looking tired and lifeless.

* Recommendations for care
With a little knowledge, you can preserve and protect the delicate beauty of your vata type skin. Since your skin does not contain much moisture, preventing it from drying is the major consideration. Eat a warm, unctuous diet (ghee and olive oil are best) and favor sour, salty and sweet tastes (naturally sweet like fruits, not refined sugar) as they balance vata. Avoid drying foods like crackers. Drink 6-8 glasses of warm (not cold for vata types!) water throughout the day and eat plenty of sweet, juicy fruits. Going to bed early (before 10 PM) is very soothing to vata and will have a tremendously positive influence on your skin. Avoid cleansing products that dry the skin (like alcohol-based cleansers) and perform Ayurvedic oil massage to your whole body (abhyanga) in the morning before you shower.
Pitta Skin.
* Description: Pitta dosha is composed of the elements of fire and water. If you have a pitta skin type your skin is fair, soft, warm and of medium thickness. When balanced, your skin has a beautiful, slightly rosy or golden glow, as if illuminated from within. Your hair typically is fine and straight, and is usually red, sandy or blonde in color. Your complexion tends toward the pink or reddish, and there is often a copious amount of freckles or moles.

* Potential problems: Among the many beauty challenges of pitta skin types is your tendency to develop rashes, rosacea, acne, liver spots or pigment disorders. Because of the large proportion of the fire element in your constitution, your skin does not tolerate heat or sun very well. Of all the three skin types, pitta skin has the least tolerance for the sun, is photosensitive, and most likely to accumulate sun damage over the years. Pitta skin is aggravated by emotional stress, especially suppressed anger, frustration, or resentment.

* Recommendations for care
Avoid excessive sunlight, tanning treatments and highly heating therapies like facial or whole body steams. Avoid hot, spicy foods and favor astringent, bitter and sweet foods which balance pitta. (Again, naturally sweet, not chocolate and refined sugar!) Sweet juicy fruits (especially melons and pears), cooked greens and rose petal preserves are especially good. Drinking plenty of water helps wash impurities from sensitive pitta skin. Reduce external or internal contact with synthetic chemicals, to which your skin is especially prone to react, even in a delayed fashion after years of seemingly uneventful use. Avoid skin products that are abrasive, heating or contain artificial colors or preservatives. Most commercial make-up brands should be avoided in favor of strictly 100% natural ingredient cosmetics. And be sure to get your emotional stress under control through plenty of outdoor exercise, yoga and meditation.

Kapha Skin.
* Description: Kapha dosha is composed of the elements of earth and water. If you have a kapha skin type your skin is thick, oily, soft and cool to the touch. Your complexion is a glowing porcelain whitish color, like the moon, and hair characteristically thick, wavy, oily and dark. Kapha skin types, with their more generous collagen and connective tissue, are fortunate to develop wrinkles much later in life than vata or pitta types.

*Potential problems If your skin becomes imbalanced, it can show up as enlarged pores, excessively oily skin, moist types of eczema, blackheads, acne or pimples, and water retention. Kapha skin is also more prone to fungal infections.

* Recommendations for care
Kapha skin is more prone to clogging and needs more cleansing than other skin types. Be careful to avoid greasy, clogging creams. Likewise, avoid heavy, hard to digest foods like fried foods, fatty meats, cheeses and rich desserts. Eat more light, easy to digest, astringent, bitter and pungent (well-spiced) foods as they balance kapha. Olive oil is the best cooking oil and a little ginger and lime juice can be taken before meals to increase your characteristically sluggish digestive fire. Take warm baths often and use gentle cleansers to open the skin pores. Avoid getting constipated and try to get some exercise every day to increase circulation and help purify the skin through the sweating process.

Inner Beauty: Gunam.

Happy, positive, loving, caring individuals have a special beauty that is far more than skin deep. Conversely we all experience the quick and deleterious effect on our skin from fatigue and stress.

Inner beauty is authentic beauty, not the kind that shows on a made-up face, but the kind that shines through from your soul, your consciousness or inner state of being. Inner beauty comes from a mind and heart that are in harmony, not at odds with each other, causing emotional confusion, loss of confidence, stress and worry. Inner peace is the foundation of outer beauty.

Maintain your self-confidence and a warm, loving personality by paying attention to your lifestyle and daily routine and effective management of stress (I highly recommend the TM technique for its scientifically-verified benefits on mental and physical health and reduced aging.) You will also be healthier and feel better through the day if you eat your main meal at midday and make a habit of going to bed early (by 10 PM is ideal.)

Remember, kindness, friendliness and sincerity naturally attract people to you. On the other hand, being uptight or tense makes people want to walk the other way, regardless of your facial structure, body weight, or other outer signs we associate with attractiveness.

Lasting Beauty: Yayastyag

In order to slow the aging process and gain lasting beauty there are two additional key considerations beyond those already discussed,

1. Eliminate toxins and free radicals in the body: The main deteriorating effects of aging come as toxins and impurities (called ama in Ayurveda) accumulate throughout the body. These toxins may begin as free radicals in the body, or over time may become oxidized into free radicals, all of which contribute to premature aging in the body. For lasting health and beauty it is essential to avoid and neutralize free radicals, to prevent impurities of all kinds from accumulating and to remove those that have already become lodged in the body.

The most powerful cleansing therapy in Maharishi Ayurveda is “panchakarma” therapy, a series of natural treatments ideally performed twice yearly, that involves 5-7 days in a row of massage, heat treatments and mild herbal enemas. Ayurveda emphasizes the importance of undergoing this cleansing program once or twice a year to prevent impurities from accumulating, localizing and hardening in the tissues. Just as we change the oil in our cars regularly for optimal performance and lifespan, Ayurveda recommends that we cleanse the “sludge” from our tissues on a regular basis through panchakarma treatments.

Best of all, panchakarma treatments are luxurious, blissful, and make you feel (and look) completely rejuvenated in just a few days time. I have had many a patient who told me that friends asked them afterwards if they had gotten a facelift, they looked so fresh and youthful!

Other free radical busters include: reducing mental stress, eating antioxidant foods like leafy green vegetables, sweet, juicy fruits and cooking on a daily basis with antioxidant, detoxifying spices like turmeric and coriander.

2. Add rejuvenative techniques to daily living:

The daily activities of life in the modern world systematically wear us down and speed up the aging process. Ayurveda maintains it is crucial to practice daily rejuvenative regimens to counteract the stressful wear and tear of everyday life. According to Ayurveda the most important rejuvenative routines for your life are:

a) Going to bed by 10:00 PM. This simple habit is one of the most powerful techniques for health and longevity, according to MAV.
b) Meditate daily. Any meditation that does not involve concentration (which has been shown to increase anxiety) can be very helpful. I highly recommend the twice-daily deep rest and enlivenment of the Transcendental Meditation ™ technique, whose benefits have been verified by over 700 published research studies.
c) Eat organic, whole fresh food that is freshly prepared. There is an Ayurvedic saying: “Without proper diet. medicine is of no use. With proper diet, medicine is of no need.” Be sure to avoid those leftovers, processed and microwaved foods for better nutrition and vitality.
d) Perform Ayurvedic oil massage in the morning (abhyanga). Morning oil massage purifies the entire body, reduces anxiety and stress, helps prevent and heal injuries and supports circulation. It is especially helpful in creating a radiant complexion and keeping your skin youthful. Research shows it may also help prevent skin cancers.
e) Practice yoga asanas. Maintaining flexibility and circulation is key to health.
f) Practice pranayama (yoga breathing) techniques. Pranayama enlivens the mind and body. Ideally practice the following sequence twice a day. Asanas, pranayama and meditation.

Summary

Everyone’s unique beauty shines forth when they have radiant health and personal happiness. Beauty is a side effect of a balanced, fulfilled life. Supreme personal beauty is accessible to everyone who is willing to take more control of their health in their day-to-day life through time-tested principles of natural living.

For most of us, beauty is not a gift but a choice. Every woman can be radiantly beautiful simply by beginning to lead a healthier life. You will be rewarded by the glowing effects you will see in your mirror each day and the powerful, bliss-producing effect your special beauty has on everyone in your life.

Nancy Lonsdorf M.D. received her M.D. from Johns Hopkins and did her postgraduate training at Stanford. She has studied Ayurveda with some of the world’s most renowned Ayurvedic physicians in India, Europe and the U.S. Dr. Lonsdorf has 17 years of clinical experience with Ayurveda and is currently the Medical Director of The Raj Ayurveda Health Center in Vedic City Iowa.

Dr. Lonsdorf has authored two books on Ayurveda and women’s health:
1. A Woman’s Best Medicine (Penguin/Putnam 1995 ; ISBN 0-87477-785-2) describing the Ayurvedic approach to the major issues in women’s health
2. A Woman’s Best Medicine for Menopause (Contemporary/McGraw Hill 2002; ISBN 0-8092-9335-8) describing the Ayurvedic approach to menopause

Doctor Lonsdorf’s contact information is:
Nancy Lonsdorf M.D.
1734 Jasmine Avenue
Vedic City, IA 52556
641-472-8246
web site url: http://www.ayurveda-ayurvedic.com/

by Jeanine Byers

A relaxing treatment for children before bedtime is a warm essential-oil bath. Most children love taking aromatherapy baths, particularly if they have their own personal blends.–Health World Online

Aromatherapy is the use of plant oils to enhance well-being. Although one must be cautious about using essential oils with children, there are several that are safe to use, and they can be great at helping children settle down to go to sleep.

For babies, there are a couple of ways to use essential oils. One way is by giving your baby an all-over massage, and the other is by scenting the room. To scent the room, instead of using a diffuser, put the oil in a bowl of hot water, which allows for a more gentle approach.

If you would prefer to give your baby a massage, here are a few suggestions to get the most out of this bonding time.

1)Wait at least 30 minutes after the baby’s meal.
2)Make sure that the room you use is warm and that your hands are warm.
3)Don’t push hard, but instead, use gentle, light, stroking motions.

For more massage tips, download the article on aromatherapy and massage, by Aroma Health Tips, a UK company.

Your toddler may benefit from having an aromatic massage right before storytime. This will give the essential oils plenty of time to soothe and relax and comfort as your toddler settles in for a story.

Older children may prefer room fragrancing or an aromatherapy bath.

Teenagers may want to use the oils to massage themselves. Best areas would be the neck and shoulders, temples and forehead.

Here are several essential oils that both children and parents find relaxing and soothing.

Lavender: generates peace, eases tension, calms stress, opens the heart, feels gentle and nourishing and soothing, creates relaxation. Great for insomnia.

Mandarin Orange: encourages calm, creates tranquility, is soothing, uplifting and inspiring, promotes gentleness of spirit. Helpful for insomnia.

Marjoram: encourages balance, creates feelings of security, heightens intuition, keeps the heart open, grounds energy, releases fear–and the vulnerability that comes from fear of being hurt, allows more joy.

TAKE FIVE is a relaxing aromatherapy blend that contains lavender, mandarin orange and marjoram essential oils. Parents often use it to help their children sleep peacefully, but they find it brings them peace of mind, as well.

“We took it (Take Five) with us on a trip, and used the spray bottle in our hotel room when we got there. Sometimes our kids have a harder time getting to sleep the first night because it’s a strange environment. Well, this time, they went right to sleep! So my husband and I sat down for a few minutes to read and talk, and the next thing we knew, we were waking up an hour later! I love that oil and I use it every night in my children’s rooms to make for a quicker, quieter ritual.”

–Michele

“I bought an extra wax melter just so I could have the Take Five already burning in our bedroom when we go up for the night.”

–Cheri, Michele’s sister

Jeanine Byers is a licensed self-care coach and a holistic aromatherapy practitioner. She introduces Take Five in the hopes that it will help the tired, cranky, sleep-deprived moms, the fussy, colicky babies, the overtired young children and the angst-ridden teen ALL get a good night’s sleep! http://www.takefive.ws